Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so let's talk penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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