You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
