we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
