Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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