if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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