I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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