allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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