Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
