I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
