dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
