JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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