you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
