I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
