When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
