I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
