Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
