You're my little dorito
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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