so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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