apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
