this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pants are for mortals
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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