You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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