I've blown a few things in my day
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
