took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
