My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I will be naked everywhere
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
