Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize