The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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