you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
