Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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