Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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I made him laugh his dick is mine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pooping to opera.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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