sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
