He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
