She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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