I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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