My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
