remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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