i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize