According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
