so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
