I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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