The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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