you traded sex for a burrito?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
