covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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