i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
