I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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