Cold hands, warm shart.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
