I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
