You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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