there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"