Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She is in my trunk

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  (630): She is in my trunk http://tfl.nu/i8uz
  Replies (7) Good night (1928) Bad night (1022)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

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  (901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching. http://tfl.nu/ljur
  Replies (21) Good night (2019) Bad night (8501)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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  (248): I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice. http://tfl.nu/zl11
  Replies (22) Good night (1022) Bad night (6706)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

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  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9672) Bad night (929)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

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  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7601) Bad night (984)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

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  (425): Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while http://tfl.nu/c37v
  Replies (15) Good night (4761) Bad night (1348)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4436) Bad night (1308)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

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  (281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled http://tfl.nu/gplx
  Replies (20) Good night (1115) Bad night (4437)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"

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  (917): They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?" http://tfl.nu/nrwr
  Replies (5) Good night (3507) Bad night (1604)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

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  (605): I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/f89d
  Replies (7) Good night (2866) Bad night (1372)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.

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  (402): Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today. http://tfl.nu/vn4s
  Replies (5) Good night (2172) Bad night (1479)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.

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  (352): Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american. http://tfl.nu/kvmq
  Replies (11) Good night (1920) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.

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  (561): I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left. http://tfl.nu/6w8g
  Replies (4) Good night (1093) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper

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  (970): Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper http://tfl.nu/zqdx
  Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.

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  (780): He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out. http://tfl.nu/cpib
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (278)

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