She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?