The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The convent might be a nice break from real life