Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear

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  (248): she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/c4tr
  Replies (25) Good night (6683) Bad night (1524)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

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  (203): I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny. http://tfl.nu/r59v
  Replies (17) Good night (845) Bad night (4034)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1288) Bad night (7981)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....

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  (210): Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later..... http://tfl.nu/qwdm
  Replies (2) Good night (5282) Bad night (1212)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...

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  (406): He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well... http://tfl.nu/dwtt
  Replies (16) Good night (1413) Bad night (3267)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

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  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (13) Good night (3877) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.

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  (276): your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/ity0
  Replies (7) Good night (1236) Bad night (852)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom

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  (506): I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom http://tfl.nu/kne6
  Replies (14) Good night (645) Bad night (2473)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco

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  (850): My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco http://tfl.nu/szsc
  Replies (5) Good night (1550) Bad night (544)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.

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  (+27): My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like. http://tfl.nu/slfh
  Replies (3) Good night (466) Bad night (1233)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.

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  (832): Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right. http://tfl.nu/ngre
  Replies (9) Good night (3392) Bad night (656)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad

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  (302): Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad http://tfl.nu/cr01
  Replies (6) Good night (1955) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?

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  (309): Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs? http://tfl.nu/hddn
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child

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  (765): Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child http://tfl.nu/7qut
  Replies (6) Good night (397) Bad night (1062)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?

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  (702): But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him? http://tfl.nu/njmy
  Replies (3) Good night (711) Bad night (423)

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