He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.