Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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