my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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