Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
