I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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