Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
