jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize