is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
