Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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