Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All the doctor said was why
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
