Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
