what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
