My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
