Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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